#9 main causes of divorce. And what you must do about it.

(The causes listed below were identified by the Australian Bureau of Statistics. Similar results were seen in the UK and the United States.)

#1 Communication problems (27%)

Communication is not talking. In fact talking makes up 7% of our communications. Our actions and body language do the other 93%. Men and women communicate differently. This starts at around the ages of 13. Men speak less and express emotions less even though they feel them. Women talk more and express their emotions frequently. The more you learn about communication,  and the communication differences between genders and cultures, the more you will be able to communicate 'effectively'.

#2 Loss of connection/ love (21%)

Love in relationships is based on actions taken. Love is a verb. What loving actions (not just sex) have you displayed to your partner? Loss of connection is usually a loss of actions. Act lovingly and you will feel love. This is unconditional love. You do the loving without expecting anything in return. When you do this for a while you will find it is reciprocated.

#3 Infidelity/ Trust issues (20%)

Infidelity is not a punishment to a partner. It is most common when a persons emotional and physical needs are not being met. Trust issues have many causes. Some real, but oftentimes they are imagined, but seem real. Trust makes us vulnerable and so people look for reasons not to trust. Guess what this does to any relationship? It erodes it. And if you were wrong you have lived in hell for no reason. So learn to be more trusting. If one day you find out someone has been untrustworthy, then make your decisions as to what to do and how to feel. Don't do this in advance.

#4 Physical emotional or financial abuse (7.4%)

Using any form of abuse in a relationship is unacceptable. Using abuse to hold on to a partner is the weakest type of relationship. It is often based in fear that a person may leave. It is controlling behaviour and it makes the weak person feel stronger than they are. If you are an abuser then get professional help. If you are being abused, tell everyone and get out of the situation and get professional help. This type of abuse does not go away on its own.

#5 Alcohol and drug abuse (7.4%)

Alcohol and drug abuse are methods for obtaining a numbness to certain situations. They trigger the dopamine in the reward centre of the brain and therefore are addictive. The associated behaviours make it difficult to really know a person and it can make a relationship very difficult to maintain. It is not a partners job to help a substance abuser. It is the users job to get help for themselves from professionals. The partners job is to get professional help to ensure they are not enabling the substance abuser to continue.

#6 Financial problems (4.7%)

Couples often enter relationships with different financial goals. Getting on the same page so that both partners achieve their goals makes a relationship much more enjoyable. It is not enjoyable for one partners needs to be ignored.

In a relationship couples should both be aware of the financial situation. Make yourself money savvy. Read books and get training. This will ensure you make great decisions and are not at the mercy of 'financial experts' who may rip you off.

#7 Physical health or mental health issues (4.7%)

Physical health and mental health issues are the domain of the person affected. Partners are not therapists but are a part of a support system. Those affected should seek out their own professional assistance. There is a great deal of pressure in relationships where a person has physical or mental health issues. Both partners need to treat yourselves as kindly as you can and reach out for help. Don't go it alone.

#8 Work/ time pressure (2.7%)

There are more spheres to life than work. Time needs to be spent in each of these. Work, Relationships/family, leisure/fun, spirituality, health are the primary spheres. You should seek balance in each of these. Planning your time is an ongoing process as situations change. Certain spheres of life may demand more of your time at certain periods in your life. Always try to find quality time for the important people in your life, and if your schedule takes you away from them make it your goal to get the balance back again as soon as possible. Great relationships lead to better health and longer lives.

#9 Family interference (.06%)

This is your relationship. Setting ground rules for other members is important. Interference can come from well intention-ed  family members. It can also come from ill intention-ed family members. At the end of a day in a relationship the couple should have each others back first.